There are some interesting things you can learn about the behavior of computer in movies (and in television). Here's a list of some of the more curious observations about movie computers:

• Word processors never display a cursor, but will always say: ENTER PASSWORD NOW.
• You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
• All monitors display 2-inch high letters.
• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
• Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The Ultimate Computer Company's top salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demonstration of the Ultimate Computer's abilities.

"This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

As I sit in front of my new 22" widescreen monitor, I struggle to position the dozen different applications I have open and running. How is it that with a substantially larger screen, I still don't seem to have any extra space?

When I ordered this twenty-two-incher from a reputable online hardware distributor, I thought that I had finally solved my screen management woes. With those extra inches of desktop space, surely I would be able to fit everything onscreen.

When you buy a spindle of CDs or DVDs, you usually have sleeves, envelopes, or folders for the burned disks, leaving you with those somewhat useless spindles. Unless you are a creative craftsperson, it's difficult to find a useful purpose for the bulky disk holders. After all, you only need so many buckets to hold your Sharpies.

1. donut stacker (with freshness cover)
2. paperweight
3. toilet paper holder
4. cookie cutter
5. wheel and axle for a small soap box racer

I want to talk about blank CDs. How many of us, at one time or another, have been fooled by the see-thru discs that come packaged at the top of a spindle of blank CDs? Okay, I can understand that no proud computer geek would ever want to admit to this kind of simple deception.

I realize (now) that they put these clear plastic discs in the stack to protect the actual legitimate blanks from scuffing, scraping, and scratching, but how many first-time media buyers have mistaken them for the real thing? I see a few hands raised in the back.

This is how it starts. You're visiting a relative (cousin, brother-in-law, whatever), and they invite you to have a look at their home computer system, which is filled to the neck with spyware, adware, malware, and more viruses than you would find on a downtown hooker.

The system is bloated with hundreds of pointless programs, irrelevant icons, and feckless folders, the hard drives have never been optimized, and the temporary cache hasn't been emptied since the Reagan years. You offer to clean up all the digital flotsam, and voila, the computer is running faster than a white man at the L.A. riots.